A while back I created a post on IG that said, “Sometimes being a wife is not always about becoming something as much as it is about removing things that are an enemy to the wife you are already.” That was a powerful word God had given me in my season of waiting – one that propelled me into intense introspection literally shinning light on many of the unknowingly dark areas of my life. One of the areas I would like to discuss is the area of lay-a-waying my happiness through destination addiction.
I don’t know about you, but when I was single I was so guilty of having destination addiction. You know that mindset that puts happiness in the future, never in the present. This may sound ridiculous to some, but there are tons of women who, like myself, have put off their happiness waiting for an event to happen. In essence, they never give themselves permission to just enjoy life right where they are because in their mind life can only be enjoyed once, and if, they reach some future destination. For example, when I was young, I used to think life would be more enjoyable when I was grown and on my own. When I became an adult, I thought life would be more enjoyable once I was established (had a house, money in the bank, etc.). Then, once I got established, I thought for sure my life would take off when I got married and had children. Sound familiar?
After godly conviction I began to understand that life is good now, and if I never get married, I can still live the abundantly full life Jesus died to give me. So my question to you single wife is, Are you guilty of lay-a-waying your happiness? Are you really enjoying your life or are you just going through the motions until you meet your hubby? Now, if you know me you know that I am absolutely pro-marriage, but I am a greater advocate for making the most of every day God has blessed us to see. I am most interested in a life that sings the praises of an abundant God whether a person is married or single. I do not advocate allowing the wait for your husband to become the reason you don’t enjoy the life you’ve been given.
If you are reading this post understand that you have been called to do something great under the Kingdom of Heaven; and what you have been called to do is not dependent on your marital status honey. In fact, now, I advise the women I mentor to make full proof of their calling and ministry before they meet their husbands. I say this because it certainly helps us as wives remain grounded when we know what we have been called to do BEFORE we try to assist, or be a help meet, in what God has called our husbands to do. I am certain that the reason many wives lose themselves in marriage is because they never really discovered who they were before marriage.
One of the things that helped me overcome destination addiction was learning to master the skills and concepts every wife should know prior to being married. While there are indeed many, I chose to focus on three for a time, and to this day, these are the same three I initially share with every wife and wife to be that I mentor.
Whether you are married or single, if you are serious about being an above-average wife, there are some things you need to know. They are:
Who you are and what you were created to do.
Jeremiah 1:9 talks about how God knew us before we were even formed in our mothers womb! It speaks about how you were created with a purpose in mind and before you begin to merge your life with your husbands life, it is important to know what you were created to do because the thing you were created to do is likely to beautifully compliment that thing he has been called to do. However, if you wait until you reach the destination of wife to discover who you are and what you are called to do, you risk finding yourself in a position where you cannot really offer good and godly help to your husband and his mission.
How to hear from God.
In John 10:27 Jesus says, “My sheep hear my voice.” A wife after God’s heart MUST hear his voice AND it is best if she develops the ability to hear from God BEFORE she has a husband and children all jockeying for her attention.
When I was single, I had no idea how involved managing being a child of God, a wife, a mother and business woman (among other things) would be. To be honest, in my mind, I saw myself just chilled with my husband and having fun with our kids. I never looked at raising my kids as an assignment I must tackle with wisdom, or my marriage as a ministry I am accountable to God for. Fast forward to where I am now, and I am so glad that I didn’t waste all of my single years waiting to get to this destination before I prepared for it. I know I would be overwhelmed now if I had waited. However, because I made hearing from God a priority when I was single, I am now able to operate in a level of wisdom in marriage that I didn’t even imagine possible. Yes, marriage has its challenges, but the wisdom of God is the difference maker and can make any marriage a blessing instead of a burden. It is so empowering to face situations in marriage and to know with confidence that you know what to do because the Lord is directing your steps and giving you detailed instructions every step of the way.
When this piece is in place, a wife never has to worry about being overwhelmed, because even if cares try to overwhelm her, God will show her how to manage her affairs in a way that makes even the heaviest load seem light as a feather.
God’s purpose and intent for marriage.
In ministering to women, I am amazed at the number of women who desire marriage yet don’t understand God’s intent and purpose for this glorious institution. Many of them are lonely and broken and view marriage as a cure-all for all of their issues (I know I did). But that is not what marriage is about. It has been my experience that this type of unrealistic thinking only leads to more hurt as a husband is a poor antidote for loneliness and brokenness. But God is a Balm! And while He can, and often will, use your marriage to aid in the healing process, He will not allow it to steal the glory that belongs to Him only.
If you are married, you will agree that the longer you are married the more you begin to realize that your marriage has a greater purpose than just companionship. Your marriage is a resting place for the glory of God. It is the vehicle God will use to help you and your spouse grow in every way. It will provoke both of you to godliness and become a vessel God uses to make His mark to a dying world. Ecclesiastes 4:9 talks about how two are better than one and one of the primary reasons God has partnered you (or will partner you) with your spouse is because He intends for you both to join forces and take His Word to the world in a way that is forceful and impactful.
A woman MUST understand this BEFORE she gets married because having this mindset will allow her to function in marriage in light of honor and respect to Christ more so than a commitment to her husband. Knowing this will also help her understand the power of the Holy Ghost that rests within her and upon her covenant. It will help her fight the good fight of faith with the faithfulness of God and be the reason she is never denied a marriage that resembles Heaven on Earth!
I am totally an advocate for marriage and I believe that every woman that desires marriage should and will have the opportunity to experience this godly institution. Still, even in that it is very important to realize that like David prepared for his fight with Goliath the giant by first slaying a lion and then a bear, we as wives, must conquer the things in our lives that will prepare us for the ministry of marriage. For me, one of the things I had to conquer was destination addiction.I pray you conquer it too!