This blog is especially for married women, but I strongly urge single women to listen up and be prepared to learn a thing or two. As I have stated in times past, my heart is really with single women who desire marriage and are wondering why they’ve not reached that milestone in their lives. The truth is, yes, everything does and will happen in God’s perfect timing, but, in the mean time, I encourage women who desire to be married to continually prepare themselves for marriage by aligning their mindset with the Word of God where marriage is concerned.
Romans 12:2 says that we have to continually renew our mind so we can take on the mind of Christ—that means exchanging old thoughts and things you once thought were true for new thoughts that are biblically sound. That same concept applies to marriage. Once I discovered this godly desire for marriage, I knew that the the first step was renewing my mind, specifically as it related marriage. I grew up in an environment where my examples of marriage were anything but godly. I watched wives dominate the husbands, men cheat on the wives, and so much more that it really distorted my view of marriage. I assumed that was just how it was and had long before decided that marriage wasn’t for me—that was until I began to renew my mind.
I decided that since marriage was God ordained and the first institution He created (even before the church) that it had to be a good thing regardless of what I thought or saw. So I began to ask God why He created marriage to begin with. My search for answers led me to the Word of God to gather insight of course. I settled on 1 Corinthians 5 where I learned that a godly marriage is really just a natural reflection of the spiritual relationship the church has with Jesus as the bride of Christ. I got so excited about the possibility of mirroring that relationship in my life.
As my study continued, I settled the fact that marriage is not just about companionship, but more so about wholeness, growth and advancing the Kingdom of God. I came to understand that when marriages thrive, families thrive, and when families thrive, the church (as a whole) thrives. It was at that time that the Kingdom mindset about marriage burst forth in my spirit.
Armed with a new mindset about marriage, I decided that I had to re-align my fellowships and surround myself with like-minded people who would encourage me in the things of God as it pertained to marriage God’s way. I knew these associations would have to be hand selected by God as it was Him who had given me this desire in the first place. But it wasn’t until I made a conscious decision about seeking out this dynamic type of fellowship that I recognized the anointing that is released through godly fellowship. The Bible says the one who walks with the wise will become wise (Proverbs 13:20), and I was after wisdom in this area because I intended to sho nuff see some results in my life!!!
So I began to surround myself with women who had been married for one, three, five, seven, ten, fifteen and twenty-five plus years, and the wisdom I was able to partake in really helped me become a wise wife. I learned practical as well as spiritual wisdom that I carry with me to this day.
I said all that to say that, married women (and single women desiring marriage) WHO YOU FELLOWSHIP WITH ABSOLUTELY MATTERS. You cannot continuously be around bitter women with distorted views that are not biblical and expect to be or become a godly wife. You are the company you keep and it’s time to make certain that the people around you agree with the vision God has placed in your heart. If you desire to be a better wife or to be married, why would you continually be around women who constantly confess that there aren’t any good men around? The devil is a liar. There are plenty of good, godly men out here who are looking for a wife, but you won’t recognize them if your mind is tainted by the male-bashing peanut gallery. Surround yourself with women who will help you see the good and the God in others, but especially in your mate and in your potential mate.
For me personally, I have made a conscious decision to surround myself with marriage conscious, godly women (single or married) who are pro-marriage and living their lives by biblical standards. I can remember a time when I would be around women who were so against men and marriage that the advice they gave literally oozed hate and introduced dissension into my heart. They were famous for sayings like, “Girl, I wouldn’t tolerate that,” or “Girl, I wouldn’t let him get away with that.” And that’s why most of them are still single. Now of course I am not advocating that women lay their standards to the wayside just to be married, but what I am saying is that marriage relationships are designed to perfect us, which means we will go through seasons of growth in the process. This is something that marriage minded people understand.
Women, seek out women who will encourage you in the process of perfection, while continually pointing you toward Jesus—the One who will continue to under grid you with strength and uphold you with His right hand. Marriage is hard work already, so why make it harder by surrounding yourself with people who will only add negativity to your thinking.
Ladies, here are 3 marriage minded tips sure to empower your to not only be successful in marriage, but to thrive in a glorious covenant that honors God:
1. Recognize that your husband is not perfect:
Ladies, as fine as your husband is or as spiritual as he may be, you have to recognize that He is not Jesus reincarnated. That means he has some weakness and challenges. However, the awesome thing about joining together in marriage is you become stronger together because you have the potential to cancel out each others weaknesses. That’s what a covenant is—an opportunity to exchange strength for weaknesses.
Women, the Bible says that God created you to be your husband’s help meet (which means he needs help). Regardless of where he is in his career, calling or life, he does not have it altogether and you’re there to assist him in the process of becoming better. I said that to say, stop complaining when you see areas that need work. Stop nagging him about what he could and should be doing. Instead, rise up in your role as his help meet and do what you can to assist him in being who God has called him to be. And this is not something you have to do in your own strength. Submit to God first—allow Him to give you directions on what He wants you to do where helping your husband is concerned.
2. Recognize that you are not perfect either:
Ladies I need you get this deep into your spirit: understand that although you may not have the same issues as your husband, you do have issues. Your husband may need to work on being more motivated or being more hands on with the children, but you also have some challenges to overcome. Make sure you are always (ALWAYS) examining yourself and working on your issues as well.
Too many women focus on what their husbands are doing (or not doing) all the while never seizing the opportunity to work on themselves. The best thing any wife can do is to judge herself. When you judge yourself, you tend to not only become better, but you also begin to have greater compassion for others.
3. Understand that God’s grace is sufficient:
When Paul asked God to remove a situation from his life, God’s response was: “My grace is sufficient.” What God was telling Paul then is the same thing He is telling us now; and that is, we are empowered by God with a grace that is sufficient to overcome anything we face in marriage. We just have to be willing to summon that grace and walk in it daily. We cannot work out our relationship challenges on our own, but with the grace of God empowering us, we are equal to and ready for anything that comes our way. That same grace will help us remain successful in marriage.
Know that the right fellowships are going to encourage and continually put you in remembrance of the Word and grace of God that is on your life. As a result, you will increase in grace and in the knowledge of God. As a wife, your associations could make our break your mindset and your marriage. I encourage you to, with God’s help and divine direction, continue to evaluate your relationships to ensure the people you’re around are adding to the grace of God on your life and marriage. And if you are single but desiring marriage, I strongly encourage you to surround yourself with marriage minded people who will help you along your journey and add value to your life when you mate arrives.